My Friend Kristen

She shits a lot.

She likes to shit.

She likes to eat her shit… just kidding

One time she told me this story of her shitting and now I am going to tell it to you.

On a cold summer night, Kristen was with her dog. Her dog had to shit so she let her shit. Kristen was curiuous on how it felt to shit in the wild. So, she pulled down her pants and shit right next to her dog. The End. 🙂

-this story was not true-


Terrible mistakes made while shitting

* Forgetting the toilet paper. As you can imagine this is horrible. Younare left with nothing to wipe your shit on. Do you use a towel? Your sock? Remember, always check to see if there is toilet paper.

* If you have to shit, then take the shit. Do NOT hold it in. It might come out when you’re least expecting it. There was this kid in high school who shit his pants on the bus. The bus hit a bump and he shit all over himself. How embarrassing, right? 

*Shitting in a small space when there are people around. Never shit on one of those big buses with the bathrooms. You will be the most hated person on the bus. Also, never shit on a plane. 

*In a public bathroom. Everyone can smell it and when you will walk out of the stall you will be given the stare of a life time. Especially if there is a line of people waiting to use that stall. 

* Eating and shitting. That’s just wrong.. on so many levels. 

* If you’re with a group of friends who are practical jokers, make sure they didn’t put Saran wrap on the toilet. Unless you like the feel of shit on your ass. 

Creative things to do while shitting

* Count down from 5 when before you take the shit. (like NASA)

* Paint a picture

* Watch a movie

* Beat Bowser and save Peach

* Join a save baby pandas club

* Eat chocolate

* Sing the national anthem 

* Take a nap

* Pet a squirrel 

* Eat some chicken

* Call your best friend and tell them your bored and you’re taking a shit.

* Try making some origami with the toilet paper

* Read this blog